$$

poetic:

was that my hair or is there a spider crawling on me

barebackinq:

Me: Mom I don’t think I am getting any better, I still feel sick…

Mom:image

virginitity:

how i seduce men

image

the-lonely-scottish-guy:

knock knock

who’s there?

well it’s not your fucking parents because they don’t knock

  • me: my arm hurts
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: my eyes hurt
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: i have a nosebleed
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: i have a fever
  • mom: are you sure it's not the heat from the computer
  • me: im pregnant
  • mom: it's the computer
  • me: i fell down the stairs & hurt my tailbone
  • mom: the computer pushed you didnt it

fartgallery:

readingaroundthemovies:

fartgallery:

i need to date a girl with the initials AG so we can carve SW+AG on benches

Those r my mums initials…,

say hello to your new dad. i see that your tumblr blog contains some vulgar language. you’re grounded